the dude at the table next to me at Baja Fresh was telling his friend: “do you know who Amanda Bynes is? She lives in my building and…”

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the Times didn’t direct deposit my paycheck, but at least they also haven’t mailed it to me yet #balls

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Pretty much the worst part of every day for me is when I remember how deathly scared of heights I am

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JP Morgan shareholders vote to let Dimon retain his chairmanship, because he threatened to quit otherwise, and they feared for the stock price #USA #HardWork #AmericanDream

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I don’t think there’s an artist whose music I ever want to hear less of than Pink

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For all you creepy bastards out there: Danielle Bradbery was born in 1997.

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Probably not the only person in America laying on the couch in my underwear in the dark watching #TheVoice

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I am titanium

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I want the picket fence, I want the ketchup fights, and the tickling, and the giggling.

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How is it possible that we live in a world where your airline can show two (2) Gerard Butler movies back-to-back?

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